You were right. It hurts to walk today.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just had sex on a roof
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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