her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
