i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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