I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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