This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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