Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
