I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
