Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
