This is not my ceiling
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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