Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
