WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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