Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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