she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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