Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
