dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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