I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
