That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
