The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
