Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize