Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
