I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
