And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
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