He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
