I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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