So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
