I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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