Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
