farters have to be the big spoon...
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
