if i can run in heels then i can drive
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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