ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
