dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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