Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
