drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
