The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
