$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i love accidental penises.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
