It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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