he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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