you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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