I wish I only lived at night.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
