I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
