Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
