new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
