my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
