I got chris browned last night
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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