He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
