how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
