but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
