your thong is hanging out like whoa
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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