Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
