I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
