she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
