If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
