RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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