but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Randomize
