Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
