i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
