yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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