I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
