ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
