Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
