I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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