I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
