i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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