I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
