I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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