remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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