His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize