Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
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The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
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It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I am mentally ready for anal.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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