Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
