she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
