I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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