Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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