Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
