remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
