U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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