he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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