The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
