Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
